Respecting Parenting Methods That Are Different From Your Own

Parenting style is a very personal thing.  We may borrow techniques from our parents, grandparents, and others we respect, but ultimately the way we parent is a part of us.  That's one of the biggest reasons that parenting methods are such a touchy subject.

When someone questions the way we raise our kids, it can be quite perplexing, and even hurtful.  We put our hearts and souls into finding the way that we think is best for our children, but sometimes those with different viewpoints just don't understand that.  To us, it may be tempting to pick apart the things they do as parents in defense.

It is important to remember, however, that other parents are sensitive to criticism about their parenting styles as well.  And it's especially important to do our best to respect the methods of our parents, grandparents, and other family members.  They may be critical of your approach, but by acknowledging that there is more than one way that works, you make it more likely that they will eventually learn to be more accepting of the way you do things.

This doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything that other parents do, even if they are related to you.  But when you do disagree, it is best to do so respectfully.  There should be no implications that they are bad parents because of a specific type of approach, no assumptions, and no name-calling.

If you encounter a parenting technique that you do not agree with, by all means, ask questions.  Just don't use an accusatory tone, and don't try to shame the parent into doing things your way.  Discussion of parenting methods can be productive if both parties enter them with open minds and the children's best interests at heart.

Agreeing to Disagree

In some cases, it's best to just agree to disagree about parenting issues.  When the difference of opinion is between you and someone you care about, and you can't seem to find middle ground, there's no harm in just letting it be.  As long as there is no form of abuse going on, it's not something either party should lose sleep over.

It is crucial, however, to come to an understanding with anyone who will be watching your children.  It's not fair for anyone, including your parents, to discipline your children in a way that you clearly would not approve of.  Explaining in detail how you handle various situations before you leave your child with someone should drive the point home.  If you find that it doesn't, it may be time to look for a new sitter.

It can be tricky dealing with elders whose parenting styles differ greatly from ours.  The key is to give them the same respect that you wish to receive.  By doing so, you make it easier to convince them of the value of your way of doing things while keeping your relationship intact.

If you are an attachment parent and would like to give and get support, please join the attachment parenting group in our community.